i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
