my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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