You smell like a Billy Joel song
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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