To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
