but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you win again, gameday.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
