its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
