So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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