We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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