You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
