dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
