The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
