I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
