Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
