I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
