I must be too annoying 4 u.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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