I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She's the barista slut.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
