Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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