I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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