I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
