i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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