wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
