the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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