Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize