I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
