how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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