I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
