guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
