I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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