I want to walk on stilts...naked
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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