I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
