the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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