and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
