Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
