my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
