Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize