Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
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my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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