All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
