I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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