well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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