I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
