i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
