You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
