My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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