I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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