Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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