Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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