It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
