I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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