between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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