i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
