so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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