So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
