I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
