I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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