they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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