I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
