Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
