He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
