yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sarcasm needs its own font
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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