i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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