apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
