cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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