his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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