Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she looked like the before picture.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
