so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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