apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
