this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
