did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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