Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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