as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
