im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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