I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
