I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
