I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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