He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
