Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
of course. lets lasso hookers.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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