just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
