So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
