I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
