im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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