Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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